- I said I don’t wanna have sex today.
- I’m only kissing you. Don’t you like that?
- Ok, now you order a taxi.
- That’s it, ordered. Just like I promised, look. 5 minutes
- Why do you push me away all the time?
- I’m just playing with you!
- I’ll cancel it for now. I’ll order another one later.
- I didn’t plan that today.
- Don’t worry, I wont do anything that you don’t want.
My eyes are closed. My mouth is smiling.
I’ve been liking him all this time. Confident, good looking, warm eyed men with a big smile invited me to a bar on a boring Tuesday evening. Our plan to have a coffee was switched to a beer. They didn’t have coffee in that place. And don’t I like beer?
Just like a Porter beer his dark eyes were looking at me with excited animalistic intentions. We both liked Crash of Cronenberg. I considered his eyes attractive.
I’m trying to stay playful, calming the animal down with a smile. I don’t fight the touching. I usually like being touched.
He types his address down on the bright screen with a familiar green logo. I follow up his crooked fingers.
And should we still go to the cinema tomorrow? I like cinema.
The phone clacks on the wooden table.
I put my hands on his shoulders. I usually like shoulders.
He kisses me with a passion and I continue playing, feeling safer with a game less than 5 min long. I jump on top, he drags up my skirt. I feel his hands squeezing my hips.
His mouth is full of liquid, it feels like a small sexual lizard. I feel a little shaking in me and attempt to push him away.
I should work on the decisiveness of what I exactly want. I should be more clear, and strong. Maybe I didn’t tell him strongly enough…
He moves his fingers aggressively inside me. My body likes it, my mind doesn’t. I moan from sorrow, he takes it as granted. One hand is inside me, with the other one he grabs the phone.
Shocked how fast it was, now the game is longer and I feel like I’m losing to my own self. With half a second and 1,80 euros for canceled order he takes me to bed, taking his and my pants off.
I feel ashamed that cats have to watch me now.
He kisses my nipples, laying partially on top of my body. I feel his warmness and weight. The shaking is still there, I push him away sometimes and laugh about myself at the same time. He grabs me back, and puts fingers back in. My insides are all wet.
